The Pulchritudinous Review

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I have always liked Tori Amos, an American singer who now lives in Cornwell, England (U.K.). I like her music, her way of thinking (although sketchy at times) and her constant relationship with food.
Here's Tori: (Promo Picture)

Tori_amos

Raspberry swirl cone haagen-dazs

Here's the video (via YouTube):

Tori Amos - Raspberry Swirl

Raspberry swirl cake jupiter images

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Here's your red, white & blue.

(was lucky enough to be there when this happened) It's an improv.

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 one of my favorite performances ever...

Tori Amos Upside down Live

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What the hell is riika doing? I wonder... sure it was funny at first when she got "the chills" whenever naito would say sweet things to her (or suggest doing more *wink*), but you would think after she BOUGHT him, for such a HUGE amount of money that she's gonna have to pay till the day she dies that she would CARE more for her "purchase"!!!!
Arg! How can she expect naito to act human if she doesn't tell him anything? She only refuses him and does nothing to fix her situation with him... manga riika at least had the excuse of being a ditzy teenager, but dorama riika is an adult!
Is there any point in the change of place now? Zettai Kareshi writers: I implore you to put more thought in what you write!
Come on, the plot can give sooooo much more...

*BIG sighs* anyway, I'll still tune in, only because I adore naito (and drool for michi).

On to another dorama: Last Friends.
Last night I was hearing (for the nth time) Tori Amos' Under the Pink, ne, and it dawned on me, the song "Bells for her" could sooooooooooo be ruka and michiru's theme song! If I had any skills (or the software) to make a fan video... I would use this song, and scenes from the dorama.

Bells for her - Tori Amos

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This evening while in therapy, the topic of sexuality/sexual preference emerged. This isn't what I had planned on discussing but the conversation evolved into it while we toyed with the idea of my possibly getting semi-involved in a community group of some sort. One reason is because I have some social apprehensions. I'm not particularly anti-social; however, I am not one who enjoys generic type social situations in which people cannot be free. By free, I mean authentic and unedited. Lets face it, most people spend a large portion of their lives (work, school) having to censor some part of themselves. When you are in the company of people that you can be free with, it's like nothing else.

Anyhow, we were discussing different groups (i.e., Sierra Club local groups or photography groups etc.) so that I can explore meeting new people and develop a bit more of a network socially. As I sat there I couldn't think of any group that even remotely sounded appealing to me except..as I blurted out..."a gay, lesbian, bisexual support group..I'd probably feel comfortable there". I do not like to label myself especially when it comes to sexual orientation. I am a lover of people. I am sexually attracted to both women and men. So yeah, I'm in the dual area. Bi. As my therapist and I continued to talk we analyzed the differences in the way I feel when I'm with a man verses when I'm with a woman. This was really profound, not that I haven't thought about it or for that matter, experienced it...but I haven't thought about it in depth since my last relationship with a woman which was over a year ago. There is an amazing difference in the way I feel with each gender. I remember thinking when I was with the aforementioned person (female).."I have NEVER felt like this. It's so amazingly beautiful, it feels perfect and natural for me..it's safe". I've had pleasurable sex and passionate sex with men. I have loved a couple of really special men and have felt their love in return but am not quite sure if what I felt with them was as profound.

So this is good. It's another layer to peel...uncovering the self beneath.

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My maternal grandmother began showing signs of mental illness after her youngest was born - I think she was about 30 or so at the time. She hallucinated and spoke to my grandfather and her children of the things she saw, as if they had seen them as well. Sometimes, she would just suddenly leave the house and begin walking away...and my grandfather would drive out looking for her, eventually finding her and bringing her home. There was medication but she didn't always take it. The doctors wanted to give her a frontal lobotamy but my grandfather refused. She was brought to a mental hospital where she lived the rest of her life. My mother, 12 at the time, lost her mom. Not to death but to schizophrenia.

Both sides of my family have history of depression or some sort of mental illness. Father somehow copes with depression without medication. Mother self medicates as well as takes rx drugs as prescribed. Two of my father's cousins committed suicide. As most of my neighbors here know, I have inherited this fucking illness that will probably, inevitably, one day be the death of me.

I have had a paralyzing episode of depression for the past day and a half. I become someone else and cannot get back to 'me'. I take my medications on time everyday. I never miss a dose. This makes it that much more frustrating. Why...after all the different meds, therapy and inner work I've done, does this continue to resurface?! I can't imagine living the rest of my life with this. Each time it happens, it feels more potent than the last, when, I think it should be less potent...all things considered. The mental/emotional pain is so incredible and smothering I can't think of any way out of it but death. It's as if each nuance of pain adds to the accumulation from years past. There are spells of complete and utter self loathing, a desire to relinquish the fires within.

Get me Neil on the line, no I can't hold

have him read Snow Glass Apples where nothing is what it seems

'little sis, you must crack this', he says to me..'you must go in again'

Carbon made only wants to be unmade. Blade to ice

 It's double diamond time.

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         In a few days this is where I will be:  Seaside, Florida

               with my honey.  And I'll sing to him:

        A little dust never stopped me none, you like my shoes I'll keep them on.

              Sometimes I can hold my tongue, sometimes not,

        When you just skip-to-loo, my darlin',

               And you know what you're doin' so don't even...
 

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PDX RAINN Benefit

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQTzVDoIsgY

a bit shaky...a lot sexy

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